Red Hats and All Things Festive

05/12/2010 // by Jan Moran Neil

Red Hats and All Things Festive (This week Ms Paige Turner invites you to complete a well known catch phrase to win a free taster session at Creative Ink for Writers in Beaconsfield.)

Well, in the last two weeks I had a plethora of pixies and kelpies purporting to be the intentional fib. My daughter (Miss Trial) – and never for a moment has she been one – was a kelpie and she only lasted six weeks in the Brownies as well. There really were fairies in my day and I don’t know why they were re-named. Maybe fairies aren’t politically correct but I still think most girls want to be one – and fairy princesses at that. So why not try Ms www.fairytaledays.co.uk (who has been an actress in Creative Ink for Actors since its inception in 2002 )  and buy a little girl a Red Letter Day for Christmas? More on all things red later as I haven’t finished with the fairies yet. I was briefly a gnome in Croydon. The brevity of my stay as a Brownie explains why I can’t tie knots. But I promise to do my best. Miss Trial isn’t dexterous either but it hasn’t stopped her becoming a junior criminal barrister. (I said junior criminal barrister!)
I will try to be brief. More on briefs later.
The intentional fib – oh – come on – if you have seen my play ‘The Deadly Factor’ is that Sloth must come after Gluttony. One has to have the energy to eat mince pies before one falls asleep comatose in front of ‘I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here’. Well done to Ms Sue Thairs – who has no wares for me to sell here but who is truly relieved to have won a DVD of my play as her kitchens and bathrooms have been under serious construction and she needs some light relief.
My blog is a little like that. Everyone still posts answers on my private email because they don’t know you have to click on the title of the blog for the response box to appear. Sue Thairs tried for ages to get into the box so I’m giving her the DVD as she was the first one to spot the incorrect order of those two sins.
I promised to introduce Mr Red Hat. I’ve known Mr Red Hat since we studied together at the Central School of Speech and Drama. He constructed my website (ITCS) and there is a link from my website www.janmoranneil.co.uk to my blog. I love telling this story about Mr Red Hat. We were asked to do a presentation for the charity ‘Shelter’ at the Royal Albert Hall for fifty youth clubs. Well, I thought it was fifty youth clubs so I didn’t bother to learn my lines as I was behind on The Larynx (we studied Voice). Mr Red Hat didn’t learn his lines either. When it came to the day, I thought I could hear an awful lot of people from the dungeons of the Royal Albert Hall and when I looked up to the dock – the Hall was filled. It’s a big hall. It holds eight thousand people. The organiser ripped my script away from me as I was ascending the stairs to the dock saying, “You don’t need this,” but Mr Red Hat saved my sausages. He made something up about Shelter caring – do you? He once completely made up the part of Pyramus in ‘A Midsummer Night’s Dream’ and he became a disc jockey which explains a lot. Anyway, I wanted to call him Mr Red Hat as it’s the name of his production company but he said I just made that up. Still, I like him and it’s a nice story.
So – in order to win a free taster session at Creative Ink for Writers – at the Fitzwilliams Centre, Beaconsfield – which begins Tuesday 11th January (‘Get Inspired’) and Thursday 13th January (‘Get that Book Out of You’) 10.00am until midday for six weeks – and if you are a lovely writer living in Florida or a lovely cousin living in Belfast and can’t get to … just give it away. It’s the first one in to complete this catch phrase correctly:
Red Hat, no … (what?)

1. CLICK ON THE TITLE TO SUBMIT BELOW THE BLOG.
2. CLICK ON THE BLOG TO READ PREVIOUS BLOGS.
3. CLICK THE BUTTON IN THE RIGHT HAND CORNER TO RECEIVE NOTIFICATION OF NEWLY POSTED BLOG. EVERY OTHER MONDAY – NEXT ONE – MONDAY 20TH DECEMBER.
4. EAT BEFORE YOU FALL ASLEEP THIS CHRISTMAS AND NOT THE OTHER WAY ROUND.

Miss Silver Screen Suppers knows how to do all the above as she always posts on my blog but you will have to wait until next time for her as Miss Connect says enough is enough. Sorry Master Mind …next time …along with news of Creative Ink Publishing.

Prize must be redeemed by June 2011.

Master Mind and The Nature of Sins

21/11/2010 // by Jan Moran Neil

Blog 2 – by Ms Paige Turner – posted every other Monday
(She tells one intentional fib on every blog – see if you can spot ‘The Porky Pie’.  The prize for the first correct emailed answer this week is a free DVD to the value of £10 …)

Bless Mr A. Brick who said that my being no spring chicken must be the intentional fib. I was drawn to giving Mr A. Brick a freebie 1000 word assessment – last week’s prize – but I think he was just buttering me up. A number of gentlemen seemed to think that I couldn’t have possibly sold men’s ties. Why? And it’s true that decimal coinage was introduced in February 1971 but we Woolworths’ girls had to switch over at the end of 1970.

So the winner of my first blogged and intentional fib was Ms Louise Norton for coming in minutes after my blog went on air. Never made a home made chocolate biscuit in my life. Well done, Louise who is writing her autobiography – ‘Dancing around Life’. I had scores of emails – thank you so much. But if you comment at the bottom of my blog, justice is seen to be done and I get brownie points.

I was a brownie in Croydon for only six weeks. I was a gnome: a seriously depleted group of three as every girl wants to be a fairy. After six weeks, I got my uniform and our sixer promptly left. I thought I should immediately get a seconder’s stripe – I was next on the list. What did they do? Fly in a pixie and made her a sixer. That’s life, folks. Whenever you think you’re on the brink of success, they fly in some canny elf else to scoop up your prize.

On to prizes. The prize this week for spotting the intentional fib is a free DVD – to the value of £10 – of ‘The Deadly Factor’ – my play which was performed by Creative Ink for Actors last summer at Barn Hall, Amersham.

There are seven sins.  In order they are: Pride, Covetousness (Greed), Wrath, Envy, Sloth, Gluttony and Lechery (Lust). The scenario in my play is that seven actors ‘get into their characters’ shoes’ and as they prepare for their role, they progressively become more deadly. There is a recording contract for the deadliest of them all – and at each performance there is a different ending, unknown to even the real actors themselves. It all set up a jolly good discussion as to which is truly the deadliest of them all and I would be interested to hear your views and why – PLEASE COMMENT AT THE BOTTOM OF MY BLOG. If you go to the site Creative Ink for Actors on Facebook you can become a member and watch our developments posted there along with production photos by the delectable Miss Publicity.

‘The Deadly Factor’ was our eighth production and if some other fairy wins this week’s prize you can always purchase a copy from me and know that your tenner will be going to Project ‘Educating Joy’. Joy is a four year old friend of mine who lives in the Cape townships. We have almost enough money to educate Joy for a year so please purchase a copy.

Look – I know I promised to introduce Master Mind this week but Miss Connect emailed me and said, “Paige, keep this snappy. Less is more.” And I always do what Miss Connect tells me to or I am in danger of pressing all the wrong buttons which happens to be one of my signature dishes.

So alas and alack, you will just have to wait until the next bi-monthly blog posted every other Monday to discover who Master Mind, the delayed character is …
Miss Trial (who always says that justice must be seen to be done – so post your comments on my blog site in case you didn’t get that) and Mr Red Hat are bustling in the wings waiting for their entrance and I must now go! Miss Tea Tree Oil is hovering in my driveway with depilatory wax as I speak …

Hello Chickens or The Importance of Tight Foundations

01/11/2010 // by Jan Moran Neil

Blog 1 by Ms Paige Turner
Hello, Chickens or The Importance of Tight Foundations

(She tells one lie on every blog – see if you can spot ‘The Porky Pie’. The prize for the first correct emailed answer each week is a free assessment – up to 1000 words – of your emailed writing …)

I spent the morning watching the polish dry on my toenails, basted a chicken and put it in the oven. I forgot to apply a base coat.

I would like to introduce the first of a plethora of characters: my niece – let’s call her Miss Connect. Miss Connect is into the business of marketing small businesses via websites and has connected my blog from my website to her Box of Blogs. She said a blog was A Shop Window, although it might effectively be called A Public Diary.

I know there is absolutely no virtue in being un-technological. In 1970 when I was selling men’s ties at Woolworths I had to learn to switch to decimal coinage. I’m now just about switching into my menopause and I’m switched on to modern technology – and for fear of Blogging it to Death – here is some news of my professional activities.

There are several branches to my creative bow: Creative Ink for Writers, Creative Ink for Actors and Creative Ink Publishing. This week I will focus on
Creative Ink for Writers – which was established in 2000.

I run two creative writing courses each academic term on a Tuesday and a Thursday morning at the Fitzwilliams Centre, Beaconsfield: Get Inspired – which this term is exploring Familiar or Unfamiliar Faces in Familiar or Unfamiliar Places, subtitled – Let’s Face It. The Tuesday morning faces are delightful but no more delightful than the ones in my Thursday morning group who attend the course: ‘Get That Book out of You’ – for those writers wanting to tackle a bigger project. You can come and taste a class and my homemade chocolate biscuits any time for free if you book a seat. I never run over twelve writers as twelve writers are as much as any one tutor can handle at a time. And how lovely these writers are to handle. Many of the writers attending my classes over the years have contributed to local and national magazines – some even publishing their own anthologies or novels with the help of my Red Auto Correct I include up to 20,000 words assessment in the termly fee and I purport to be the fastest, best and most competitively priced assessor around.

I also write. My last play: ‘The Deadly Factor’ has just been published by New Theatre Publications www.plays4theatre.com. Seven actors are vying for a recording contract with a major producer. The problem is that the seven actors are preparing to play the seven deadly sins and progressively become nastier as they ‘make up’. Which is the deadliest of them all? Well, keep reading my blog and you will find out. But more on sins later …

Watch out on my next blog for news of another feather in my tree: Creative Ink for Actors which has developed from the embryo stage in 2002 to full blown productions and films. Since its inception, many of the delightful young actors and actresses have had babies which do get in the way a bit of productions: Isabella and Freddie, Elise, Saffie and Jacob. In fact some actresses have been fully blown pregnant during rehearsals, explaining why a number of my characters are about to give birth.

Talking of babies, roast chickens like all creative people and projects need child minding so the oven calls. My beauty therapist – let’s call her Miss Tea Tree Oil – told me that from menopause and thereafter one should never look at one’s face in a magnifying mirror with one’s spectacles on. Alas, my days of being a spring chicken are over. Miss Tea Tree Oil also said that not putting a base coat on your toenails before polish is a cardinal sin and that foundation garments are vital.

Thus, with relief, have we come full circle which is such a good place to be and my blessed blog has been founded. I’m happy to publicise your websites on my blog and/or introduce you as a character if you give me work. Until next week then when I shall discuss The Nature of Sins and introduce Master Mind …

Ms Paige Turner aka Jan Moran Neil – www.janmoranneil.co.uk

N.B. Winners of Ms Paige Turner’s ‘Porkie Pie’ competition must email words within a month.