Out to Lunch with Spring Chickens

24/04/2011 // by Jan Moran Neil

Blog 13 – Paige Turner is Out to Lunch with Spring Chickens …

Congratulations to Dawn Rae of West Coast Writers who knew that I had been Introducing Characters in Milnerton, Cape Town rather than Popping Plots. Dawn has received her six free handouts sheets.
There is no intentional fib this bi-month as it’s Easter – my favourite time of year and I am ‘out to lunch’ – literally for the whole weekend, having buns and fun and drinking cab sav and celebrating Master Mind’s birthday. As he is marrying our daughter, Miss Trial, next year, I am hoping, like Mrs Middleton, to have lunch with my prospective son-in-law’s grandmother. I am sure to be eating more buns than Mrs Middleton allowed herself at the palace last Wednesday. So here’s to buns in Pinner.
I still have two places available on the Tuesday ‘Get Inspired’ and Thursday ‘Get that Book’ course starting first week of May and a few more on the weekend course May 21st/22nd.
And get those ‘Dear John’ missives into creativeinkpublishing@gmail.com
Happy Easter Bunnies.

Sheer Delight: Cape Grapes and Chocolate …

10/04/2011 // by Jan Moran Neil

Blog 12 – Sheer Delight – Cape Grapes and Chocolate …

The intentional fib in the last blog (11) was that I had posted that the tenth blog was credited as the ninth whereas I had actually credited as the eighth. Too complicated. I did have Louis di Bianco’s TV erroneously carted away in Montreal and I did leave him a pair of bathroom scales in exchange as I couldn’t get them in my suitcase.
Talking of suitcases – no-one mentioned that I had been in Cape Town for all of March. I was there (amongst other things) covering Pimple Popping Plots with the Fish Hoek Scribblers and in Milnerton with the West Coast Writers. Pure delight. The latter asked me if I would like my notorious flip chart to face the clock or the window. I said it would be rather novel to teach facing Table Mountain. They said – “It’s Devil’s Peak, actually.” But who’s quibbling about mountains? There are so many in Cape Town where I received my first bee sting in March and can now join the grown up race.
I met Viv from www.scenicsouth.co.za Please visit – a shame you can’t be in the scenic south in person but more of my words are on Viv’s website – this month: ‘Cape Grapes’ and ‘Sheer Delight – Chocolate.’
That’s enough for now as I’m still in holiday humour and can’t wait to receive all these Dear John missives – see www.janmoranneil.co.uk for all the details. Proof reading for Patricia Sentinella’s collection by the same name was going on whilst I was out in Cape Town getting bee stings and popping plots and I can’t wait for Creative Ink Publishing’s launch in a few weeks. That’s when Creative Ink classes start for the summer. A few places left but all courses are running.
I’m still trying to give away six handout sheets for the intentional fib. And I was in Cape Town.

A Flash in the Pan

27/03/2011 // by Jan Moran Neil

Blog 11 – A Flash in the Pan …

This is Ms Paige Turner’s eleventh blog. My last blog The Worst Blog on Earth was credited as my ninth blog when in fact it was my tenth. That wasn’t the intentional error. It was the fact that I said that my former landlord in Montreal had 1000 friends on Facebook. When I had last looked he had 743 but then when I posted the intentional fib I checked and he had 922. How does one get so many friends? (Thank you Ryan Chowill, Mr Justin Case’s second cousin for being my 100th friend. Handout sheets being sent to you.)
Just to finish that story. When Louis di Bianco was subletting his apartment to me in the seventies in Rue de Bouillon, Montreal, his TV went futt. Happy serendipity that there was a TV repair shop across the road. A couple of French Portugese repair men came into my apartment and took the TV away. I never saw the TV again. Louis was aghast that I could be so naïve (see the amount of spam I have approved on this blog) but when the shop disappeared also I thought it was a drastic method of acquiring a TV. In exchange for the stolen TV and my folly I left Louis with a pair of bathroom scales. This says something profound about me, I feel.
Please go to my website: www.janmoranneil.co.uk for all details on Creative Ink Publishing’s ‘Dear John, Dear Anyone …’ writing competition. It’s up to 600 words – only £5 to enter which all goes to the British Heart Foundation – is being judged by BAFTA award winning producer and scriptwriter, Tony McHale – the best to be filmed by Creative Ink for Actors. Entries to creativeinkpublishing@gmail.com

Here are some Flash Fiction pointers:

Creative Ink for Writers – 10 Pointers to Flash Fiction – Jan Moran Neil

1. The power of the title. It can say so much about your small canvas. It can foreshadow. Choose carefully.

2. Hook us from the opening sentence.

3. The three Ws. Who? Think about introducing the central character in that first sentence. Where are we? When is it?

4. MAKE EVERY WORD EARN ITS PLACE ON THE PAGE.

5. So make characters’ names work hard.

6. USE OF THE METAPHOR AND SIMILE. Carry the metaphor or simile through. In other words – WORDS – must work on a number of levels. Never before are words such vital tools to evoke an emotion, a mood, an atmosphere and a meaning.

7. Your purpose or premise cannot be too complex for this tiny canvas. So KISS – Keep it Simple.

8. A punch line or inversion or twist of some kind at the end can be useful – maybe relating back to your title and your opening.

9. Read the competition guidelines carefully. Some say the word count must be the exact number – some say up to a certain word count. Get it wrong and you won’t win.

10. So BEGIN, HAVE A MEATY MIDRIFF AND END with a lingering … a scent that trails after it …

MY 7 WEEK CREATIVE INK FOR WRITERS COURSES ON TUESDAY AND THURSDAY MORNINGS IN BEACONSFIELD ARE RUNNING AS IS THE MAY 21ST AND 22ND WEEKEND ‘GET THAT BOOK’ COURSE. SOME PLACES LEFT. EMAIL ME: INFO@JANMORANNEIL.CO.UK

SPOTTING THE INTENTIONAL FIB OR GUESSING WHERE I WAS IN MARCH WINS YOU SIX CREATIVE WRITING HANDOUT SHEETS OF YOUR CHOICE LIKE THE ABOVE.

Dear John or Blogging it to Death or The Worst Ever Blog

13/03/2011 // by Jan Moran Neil

Blog 8 – Dear John or Blogging it to Death or the Worst Blog on Earth – Every week an intentional porkie pie is told. Be the first to spot it and this week you will get six free handout sheets emailed to you on any writing related topics of your choice.

Louis di Bianco posted information on his Facebook wall regarding the worst blogs in the world. I went to the website and discovered that a blogging cardinal sin is to self promote.
But that’s one of the main reasons I blog. More on self promotion and Blogging it to Death later.
Let me tell you about Louis di Bianco. He was my landlord when I lived in the French-Portugese area of Montreal in the late seventies. He was a Vietnam draftee and his next door neighbour was a German/American draft dodger who was given one of the few Nixon pardons. Juergen was therefore able to return to the US having fled to Canada for asylum. Louis sub-let his apartment to me when he went to fight his way to Broadway so officially Israel’s father was my landlord. Israel used to come round to my flat every Friday night for the rent and to knock back brandy and that was all. These then thirty somethings were gentlemen itself. They really were. And when Juergen Dankwort – my pardoned neighbour – drove me and Mr Red Hat down to New York, my twenty two year old self couldn’t have asked for more protective child minders at midnight on 42nd Street. Louis was rafeish and dark and deliciously Italian/Broncs as his name suggests and it’s good to see him posting all sorts of vital information on his wall. As my Christian name was Titterington – he nicknamed me Twitters and when we reunited on Facebook he said, “Who would have thought, Twitters, that a whole social network would be named after you?” Can you believe Louis has over 1000 friends on Facebook? I hope they all fly to read my blog.
Well, try and find a fib in there. No-one found last blog’s fib – I think the whole thing was too hormonal. And who said they thought I could have been quite netbally sporty at school? Oh, come on … a 52 week a year period?
As for ‘Blogging it to Death’ and self promo – Creative Ink Publishing is delighted to announce that that Tony McHale – BAFTA award winning producer of ‘Holby City’ and BBC scriptwriter and director of ‘Casualty’ and ‘EastEnders’ – will be judging its ‘Dear John, Dear Anyone …’ writing competition. The best letters, emails, texts or Skypes will be filmed by Creative Ink for Actors and an overall winner will be chosen – unknown to everyone but Tony and the technical director until the release of the DVD. The overall winner will receive £100 and the runners up will receive free DVDs.
You can write up to 600 words but there must be some kind of ‘brush off’ – romantic or otherwise.
The entry fee is £5 and donated to the British Heart Foundation and Hearts & Souls.
The deadline is July 31st – by email to creativeinkpublishing@gmail.com and pay your entry fee to Creative Ink Publishing, send by post with cheque (payable to Creative Ink Publishing).
Details: Creative Ink Publishing, 11, Pitch Pond Close, Knotty Green, Beaconsfield, Bucks, HP9 1XY and for full details go to www.janmoranneil.co.uk
Still a few places left on my Creative Ink courses this coming summer term on Tuesday and Thursday mornings and also the ‘Get that Book’ weekend course on May 21st and 22nd.  Check out my website.

Dear John, Dear Anyone …

23/02/2011 // by Jan Moran Neil

Dear John flyer
Blog 9 ‘Dear John, Dear Anyone …’ Writing Competition.

Creative Ink Publishing is delighted to announce that Tony McHale –BAFTA award winning producer of ‘Holby City’ and BBC scriptwriter and director of ‘Casualty’ and ‘EastEnders’ – will be judging its ‘Dear John, Dear Anyone …’ writing competition. The best letters, emails, texts or Skypes will be filmed by Creative Ink for Actors and an overall winner will be chosen – unknown to everyone but Tony and the technical director – until the release of the DVD. The overall winner will receive £100 and the runners up will receive free DVDs.
You can write up to 600 words but there must be some kind of ‘brush off’ – romantic or otherwise.
The entry fee is £5 and donated to the British Heart Foundation and Hearts & Souls.
The deadline is July 31st – by email to creativeinkpublishing@gmail.com and pay your entry fee to Creative Ink Publishing by post with cheque (payable to Creative Ink Publishing).
Details: Creative Ink Publishing, 11, Pitch Pond Close, Knotty Green, Beaconsfield, Bucks, HP9 1XY and for full details go to www.janmoranneil.co.uk
Put Your Heart & Soul into it …

Creative Ink Publishing is also launching Patricia Sentinella’s collection of the same name. Priced £7.99 and available on Amazon, Waterstones or send cheque to 2, Church Cottages, South Weston, Thame, Oxon, 0X9 7EF with SAE (two 2nd class stamps).

Bread Pudding Days

14/02/2011 // by Jan Moran Neil

Blog 8 – Bread Pudding Days …

Fiction is a fusion of truth and lies …
This bi-month there are no porkie pies …

For Muriel 10.6.22-14.2.01
With love.

Bread Pudding Days by Jan Moran Neil

On soggy days
when the rain spits
my mother’s house is filled
with the warmth of cinnamon sticks,
rich dried fruit
and softly sifted sugar.
She folds and wraps our words:
– the bargain cost of my orange gloves
– the price we paid for our lost loves
– our woeful tales of wicked hate
– our splendid plans to be great.
All are measured, sieved, considered
for their mixed worth
baked into something sturdy,
crusty, spongy and deeply palatable.
And in that cooking fragrance
– the weight and varied textures
touching half remembered edges –
my mother’s syllables and smiles stretch on:
a balm against the greying bits,
a refuge against the rain which spits.

Goalpost, Playing Fields and Botox

30/01/2011 // by Jan Moran Neil

Blog 7 – Goalposts, Playing Fields and Botox. This week a free 1000 assessment (to be redeemed by end of April) for the first in to spot the intentional porkie pie.

Alas – I do not know my Latin from my elbows. I had lived my life believing that ‘eheu’ in Latin meant ‘alas’. Even Master Mind thought so. And whenever Mr Justin Case sneezes he shouts ‘eheu’. So it was an errant ‘p’ in ‘epheu’ I was looking for in the last blog as my intentional fib. But ‘eheu’ actually means oh or ow. ‘Vae’ means ‘woe’. ‘Heu’ is latin for ‘alas’. But what is a ‘p’ or an ‘e’ between friends? Well done Ms www.silverscreensuppers. A copy of my play ‘The Deadly Factor’ is winging its way to you.
Phew! Totally unrelated to anything at all, have you noticed that now Botox is available to the common masses the celebrated gentry have all changed their minds or moved the goalposts on their bumpy playing fields? They have been enjoying their closeted secret of uplifting for some years but now Janet down the Street or Lubyloo has access, it’s publicly declaimed. Ah, well, I never saw a goalpost during my education as I suffered from 52 week a year periods and a phobia of potholed playing fields. I just never had the right equipment for physical education.
Talking of education, I’m laying on a ‘Get that Book Out of You’ weekend course – From Pitch to Plot – on Saturday 21st May (10.00am until 4.00pm) and Sunday 22nd May (12.30pm-5.30pm) at the Fitzwilliams Centre, Beaconsfield for all those writers who work during the week and want to know how to get past the graduate in the corner of the publisher’s office with her calves knee deep in the slush pile. Enquire within if you would like to know how. And if you don’t work full time you can come in May or take the one place left on my Tuesday (Get Inspired) or Thursday (Get that Book) courses.
News coming shortly of the judge of Creative Ink Publishing’s international writing competition ‘Dear John, Dear Anyone …’ Up to 600 words. £5 entry for a charity TBA. Send to creativeinkpublishing@gmail.com and cheque made out to Creative Ink Publishing sent to 11, Pitch Pond Close, Knotty Green, Beaconsfield, Bucks HP9 1XY. Best of the bunch to be filmed by Creative Ink for Actors and winner gets £100.

From Paige to Performance

16/01/2011 // by Jan Moran Neil

Blog 6 – From Paige to Performance – (Ms Paige Turner tells an intentional fib on each blog. This week win a copy of her latest play – ‘The Deadly Factor’ – if you are first past the post. Click on the title to leave an answer in the box.)

Mr Double Cream from Uxbridge! How could you suggest (and more – heavens above! and epheu! – which is ‘alas’ in Latin) that I intentionally left an ‘o’ out of Pookey’s name at the Crazy Bear! You bring the exclamation marks out in me! And I really was in Cape Town before Christmas. What would the Fish Hoek Scribblers do without my occasional injection? But back to the letter ‘o’. Both Caroline Francis and Zaneta Lawrence came in at the same time with the intentional ‘printer’s devil’ of a ‘U’ replacing the correct ‘O’ in Uxbridge as Master Mind’s true blue educational establishment. If you have it, flaunt it.
Caroline and Zaneta will enjoy free tasting at Creative Ink classes which I am pleased to say are bubbling over with only one place left on each course this term. And talking of devils – this week’s prize is a copy of my last play – ‘The Deadly Factor’– featuring seven of them – for being the first to deposit the spotted fib in the box below and not on my regular emails, thank you.
This week I would like to plug Writing Magazine and Writer’s News. I’ve been working for them for a couple of years now as both a home tutor and a monthly contributor and the staff are a delight to work with and for, especially the editor, Jonathan Telfer. It’s always good to keep in with editors. My twelve part series – From Page to Performance – has just begun in February’s edition so do subscribe on www.writingmagazine.co.uk The magazine is full of useful tips and news.
I realise that my blog has been full of a plethora of characters: Miss Connect, Miss Tea Tree Oil, Miss Fairy Tale Days, Ms Silver Screen Suppers, Miss Publicity, Miss Trial, Miss Juke Box, Master Mind, Master Sound Advice, Master Brylcream, Mr Red Hat and not least Mr Justin Case. I hope I am not suffering from crowding my page or stage and will get back to re-entries in due course but at the moment I am very busy with Creative Ink’s new project – ‘Dear John, Dear Anyone’: a launch of our first book this year and an international writing competition to find the best ‘Dear John’ letter, text, email or Skype (up to 600 words). The full details will be out very soon but get writing …

Pookey and The Crazy Bear

03/01/2011 // by Jan Moran Neil

Blog 5 – Pookey and the Crazy Bear – Ms Paige Turner tells an intentional fib each week. Be the first in to spot it and this week you could win a free taster session at Creative Ink for Writers to the value of £25.

What did you get for Christmas then? A new watch? More on watches later and more on ‘Pookey and the Crazy Bear’ – which is what my husband – I call him many things but let’s call him Mr Justin Case – got me for Christmas.
I want to talk about Master Mind as he has waited too long to be introduced. But like Ms Silver Screen Suppers www.silverscreensuppers.com said when I asked why I wasn’t one of the sixteen baubles on her Facebook Christmas Tree – ‘there just wasn’t the space’. Actually, I don’t want to be a bauble on Ms Silver Screen Suppers’ Christmas Tree – I just want her to keep commenting on my blog which she does. Bless her. I like Ms Silver Screen Suppers and I like Master Mind – which is handy as he is marrying my daughter – Miss Trial (the junior criminal barrister). Master Mind is very handy as he is the Lighting Director on my plays, has a double first from Uxbridge and knows all about the US losing patience with the Chinese over the exchange rate. I’ll be wearing a hat at the wedding – but not a red one as you know what they say about red hats.
Both my writing classes at the Fitzwilliams Centre will be running this term starting on Tuesday 11th (Get Inspired) and Thursday 13th (Get that Book) and there are a few places left. The theme for the Tuesday class is ‘Time’ to fit in with the Rhyme & Reason writing competition. For more details contact http://www.irhh.org/sitehome/pdf/fundraising/RRCompEntryForm.pdf
Talking of ‘Time’ – can Replica Watches please stop leaving messages on my blog inbox? I don’t believe you find my blogs riveting. I think you just want free publicity – which I do give to people when I think they are ‘quality’.
Talking of quality, my husband – Mr Justin Case – (so called because he always double checks bookings – which is handy when you are sitting at Cape Town airport the week before Christmas and had three Virgin flight cancellations and three black ladies are telling you there is no plane on the tarmac and you’ve phoned the butcher to double check the turkey arrival on Christmas Eve and why did my butchers find it hilariously funny that I was stranded in Cape Town?). I lost my patience and I’ve lost my thread. My husband didn’t buy me a watch for Christmas but he did buy me a Thai massage at the Crazy Bear in Beaconsfield. Pookey greeted me on Wycombe End by giving me a great bear hug and a kiss for the New Year. What a way to start it! Along with a reunion of deadly sins who were in my play ‘The Deadly Factor’ last year.
I thought that ‘Pookey and the Crazy Bear’ could be a great title for short story or poem. But please don’t get hung up on bears. Think about composing a ‘Dear John’ letter or email or text – because this year Creative Ink Publishing will be launching – amongst other things – a national writing competition on that theme. More details in a couple of weeks after my production meeting with Miss Juke Box (so called because she designs our flyers and builds our sets – her juke box for my first play ‘Blackberry Promises’ still in our garage) Master Sound Advice, Master Brylcream and of course … Master Mind.
Happy New Jahr!

At This Present Time …

19/12/2010 // by Jan Moran Neil

Blog 4 – At this Present Time …

Rose Chaffe won herself a free taster for being first past the post to complete this old saying: Red Hat, No Drawers. Prostitutes in the nineteenth century were identified by the wearing of a red hat.
No-one writes or reads blogs the week before Christmas so this is short and snappy and I’ve been busy buying gifts at this present time, so I will be back on Monday 3rd January with a prize for the first to spot the intentional fib.
Oh … and watch out for those wearing red hats this festive season. 