Free Book Lunch – Thursday 15th November – midday.

10/11/2012 // by Jan Moran Neil

This is the second part of The Prologue of ‘Blackberry Promises’. £6.99 The first part is in the previous blog and the novel is launched this Thursday 15th November at the Fitzwilliams Centre, Beaconsfield – midday. Just let me know if you would like a free ticket and free lunch.

Help me, almighty God. Don’t look ahead. God give me strength, as Aida would say, to do what I need to do. To say what I need to say. “I promise to tell the truth …” Bibles make her think of Aida and the way Hudge’s mother folded and wrapped their words like her pastry: pastry filled with rich dried fruit and thumb prints touching half remembered edges.
She cannot help but look up towards the defendant for the first time. Is he really smiling? Does she keep her promise or does she tell the truth? The whole truth and nothing but …? Lily Lee is suddenly not so sure …
“Can you speak up so that the judge may hear you?” the usher says.
And the bony judge with skin like papier-maché and a robe a much brighter red than the colour of blood, for she has seen the colour of blood, cocks his head to the side. Lily is aware that a woman is typing every uttered courtroom word. Her father has prepared her for this, but all the same the cluck of the typist chatters to the same beat as the words which scatter like bird seed in her head. Pick a grain here, pick a grain there. Nothing but the truth.
“I promise,” she says – she has been told to say I promise – for she is only sixteen and under age and need not say ‘I swear’, “to tell the truth, by almighty God, to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth,” she says mixing up all the words. Please help me, God. Lily Lee’s heart is swinging, just as it has always done, from the one version of the truth to another altered version.
And the mighty barrister with the red moustache and the red bits sticking out of the side of his perruque leans on his pedestal asks, “Can you give your full name to the court?”
“Lily Lee.”
She then hears the barrister telling her to speak ‘nice and slowly’ and to direct her answers to the jury. He gives a small smile and tells her to watch the judge’s pen moving if she thinks she may be speaking too quickly as the judge must take down her words. He continues. “And where do you live, Miss Lee?”
“My parent’s grocery shop on the Pennington Road.”
“And does the shop back on to the cul-de-sac – Alpha Road?”
Lily’s heart is a dull thud on hearing the innocuous names of places she has known all her life become somehow shameful. “Yes, sir,” she says.
The barrister’s reddish moustache continues to rise and fall with each word spoken. Her father Gordon has talked about these wigs or perruques being barristers, because they go to the bar. Where’s the bar? The barrister gives the jury time to consider the map and the scene of the crime whilst Lily considers with a shiver the other tagged exhibits lying cold and impersonal in plastic bags on the table below: that knife, his leather jacket and thank the Lord there was no overall because she has dealt with that … then Lily suddenly sees it … that camera. But he lost that camera. Why is that camera being used in evidence? The photos. Oh almighty God, what photos have been taken with that camera?
For the second time she turns her head slightly towards the dock. She hasn’t seen him since the funeral. The camera is a surprise. What is that camera doing there and will this change things? That camera was a silent witness for the camera never lies, does it? But his head is down. She catches only the nape of his neck before she looks back at the red moustache and wig, who is speaking again. “Miss Lee, were you able to gain access to the Oddy’s yard by coming the back way through your parents’ grocery shop yard and into Alpha Road?”
“Yes, sir.” Lily is confused by the presence of the camera. Members of the jury are consulting maps because the fact that Hudge could never cross busy main roads has been so important. Then she looks up to the gallery and she swears that she can see Bessie Fenchurch shaking her peroxided head. What has that woman said?
“And are you or were you a good friend of the defendant?”
God give me strength. She looks to her left. He has lifted his head. And there he is. And she looks into his oh so familiar and beautiful eyes. For a moment, the courtroom disappears and they are alone together as they had been at the funeral. Lily smiles not only with her lips that will tell but with her salty eyes because she wants to give him reassurance that she will keep the promise. But she is not sure that she can. She would like to tell him that she has been able to get rid of the blood stained overall; carefully incarcerated in the Brambles’ disused stables. Getting rid of the blood stained overall was very important. It was incriminating evidence, after all. There was so little time to talk at the funeral and it was the only time they let her near him since ‘it all happened’.
“Miss Lee, could you answer ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to the question? Would you say you are or were good friend of the defendant?”
She replies with a disembodied voice but without hesitation, surprising herself, looking back at the barrister and his very large moustache, “I would consider myself to be a very good friend of the defendant.”
“Then Lily, could you give us your version of the events which led up to the stabbing which took place in the Oddy’s yard last Wednesday 26th August?”
This is Lily Lee’s story: the whole truth.

Blackberry Promises – by Jan Moran Neil – Book Launch – Thursday 15th November – Midday – The Fitzwilliams Centre, Beaconsfield

28/10/2012 // by Jan Moran Neil

Prologue
The Old Bailey – January 1960
Lily Lee’s Story

Footfalls in the corridor; time to tell her story.
“Miss Lee,” the usher says, “you’re called for witness now.”
Lily Lee stares at the usher’s polished shoes – you could see your face in those shoes – she hears her father saying. She follows the shoes up the short corridor which leads to the number one courtroom. Lily’s pony tail, colour of a new thrupenny bit, thrupenny bit, price of a newspaper, swings seriously in time with the beating of her heart. “He’ll swing for this,” they have said. All that unbuttoned gossip on the main street; pigeons’ beaks snapping at crumbs on the pavement. Snap, snap, snap, all day long: tittle tattle. And the squawking stillness rises in volume as she approaches the courtroom.
He would swing for it: had it been with a gun, yes. But not with a knife.
“This isn’t going to be a hanging offence,” that nice solicitor has told her.
Getting closer now. “Don’t you listen to all that tittle tattle,” her mother has snapped. “Just you tell the truth the way you saw it, Lily. And if you ask me he deserves no less than he’s given. He never was quite the ticket.” Cecilia’s knitting needles has stabbed out the verdict in painful synchronicity. “He’ll serve,” knit one, “the rest of his time,” pearl one, “inside,” knit one, “and it’ll,” pearl one, “serve him right.” Knit one, Cecilia. Castle of strength, Cecilia. Moats on all side of her, Cecilia. Powerful Cecilia: lips pulled hard at the edges like an archer’s bow, hands stretching wool as tight as her splayed nostrils. Knitting God knows what for God knows whom, but Lily’s mother was a busy woman who believed that idle hands did evil work. Cecilia: the Patron Saint of Lily’s Virginity. Her mother was medieval.
“Where will the murder …, I mean where will the defendant be sitting?” she asks the polished shoes when they stop at the courtroom door.
“Straight ahead as you enter – at the far end of the court. He will be facing the judge. He will be sitting in the dock. When you go into the witness box, you will be facing the jury. The defendant will be at the end of the court to your left. He’ll be sitting in the dock.” For some reason the usher repeats this fact.
She nods and then he adds, “Don’t catch his eye.”
But she catches the usher’s eye. He doesn’t know it, but she knows she could go down for ‘perverting the course of justice’. If she lost her bottle – don’t lose your bottle, Lily – how can you lose your bottle? – if she lost it now, she could go down for ‘perverting the course of justice’. Where do sixteen year olds go when they are sent down?
Where do defendants go when they get taken down? Down steps. Seen it on the telly. The courtroom door opens. Lily does not expect this. She is strangely expecting a courtroom to be in black and white because she has only seen courtrooms on Armchair Theatre. But this courtroom is in colour and she is not sitting in an armchair. She is about to enter a witness box because I witnessed it – didn’t I? Didn’t I?: the gowns and wigs as audience; some willing her to say the right thing, others wanting her to trip up. Then there is the earnest public gallery of neighbourly and newspaper reporter faces above and behind the witness box; her mother’s three sisters flown east like birds in distress across the Atlantic: high-heeled and chignoned, a chorus of cashmere moulting mink and BOAC flight bags for this is national news. The vigilant ‘twelve good men and true’ sit opposite, but there are women sitting there too … and then him … he would be at the far end. But she could not lock eyes. Not yet. It’s your choice, Lil. It’s your choice. Make up your mind. Never could come off the fence. Don’t lead me on. I’m not leading you on. All those chatterbox voices in her head. Little Miss Chatterbox. Lily’s Miss Chatterbox is typing out two stories in her head on two different walls in two different back streets and she is not sure which one to tell. How on earth will she not be able to tell the right story?
“You’re the prime witness,” that nice solicitor has said.
A wigged, gowned and stout man was talking to the judge now. The judge is bony and as old as these walls. And above him, on the wall is the Sword of Justice. Her father Gordon knows all about The Law as he reads the newspapers daily and he says that the courtroom dealing with the most serious crime of the day will carry the Sword of Justice. This is serious. This is very serious, Lily. Her father said this last Wednesday August 26th – the date burnt to the front of her fringed forehead – when the black Ford Anglia police car drove away from the pavement; the light from the street lamp making a furnace of the numbers chalked out for hopscotch.
And now they are all sitting beneath the Sword of Justice. Her parents, Gordon and Cecilia are in the public gallery for they have given evidence for the prosecution, whilst Lily is about to give evidence for the defence. The judge’s wiry fingers are making slow notes with his left hand as if he is practising his best handwriting. The skin on his hands is translucent. She thinks she can see his bones whilst the barrister speaks in sing song velvet tones, which cracks just now and then, indicating that this has been a long trial. “Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,” and Lily looks across to the jury: twelve good men and women true, wearing serious faces and matching suits, “With my Lord’s leave I seek to call Miss Lily Lee …” and Lily watches the defence barrister’s red moustache move up and down with these words. This barrister has the velvet voice of God, would look like God if his bits of reddish hair didn’t show beneath his white wig. Wig. Le perruque. Sounds so much better in French, don’t you think? Cicatrice. Cicatrice. French for ‘scar’. Scar on my leg. Scar on his face. Oh that deep and rutted scar on his face; it is never going to fade in her head.
This is the Queen’s Counsel. Her father has told her that the barristers are QCs and ‘take silk’. She thought he said ‘take milk’.
The usher places a hand on her shoulder and propels her gently in direction of the witness box. She takes a sharp, nervous intake of air and feels the weight of courtroom eyes rest heavily upon her. That jury has made up their mind from square one. You can tell by the way they look at him sitting there in the dock. Her mother has said this looping the wool over the left knitting needle. Stab, stab. Where did her mother think square one was? On one of Hudge’s Snakes and Ladders’ boards?
“Would you take the Bible in your right hand and repeat after me …?” the usher says. “I promise before almighty God that the evidence which I shall give will be the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth,” he says.

Book Lunch Time -Launch of ‘Blackberry Promises’ Novel

13/10/2012 // by Jan Moran Neil

Blog 52 – Book Lunch Time – Launch of ‘Blackberry Promises’ Novel. Ms Paige Turner is telling no intentional fib this bi-month. She is too busy preparing for the start of a new Creative Ink for Writers’ term, overseeing editing on the ‘Dear John, Dear Anyone …’ film and now this – read on …
Coming soon – Book Launch of ‘Blackberry Promises’ by Jan Moran Neil – Creative Ink Publishing – THURSDAY 15TH NOVEMBER AT THE FITZWILLIAMS CENTRE, BEACONSFIELD – MIDDAY – FREE REFRESHMENTS – JUST EMAIL ME FOR A SEAT – info@janmoranneil.co.uk
Here’s the Blurb:
It’s August 1959 and it’s blackberry picking time. ‘Lollipop’ and ‘Living Doll’ blare out from the juke box: boys wear natty suits, their hair slicked back in Elvis quiffs; girls are dressed in puffed out skirts – all of them with one thing on their minds …
How far do we go to keep a promise? A back street stabbing changes the lives of five young people forever and promises prove difficult to keep. ‘Blackberry Promises’ is an evocative exploration of teenage sexuality set in an era which invented the teenager.
‘Excellent and hugely enjoyable.’ Bucks Free Press
‘Beautifully crafted and thought provoking.’Bucks Advertiser
‘A gritty tale of late fifties’ life which doesn’t need to whet the appetite with recipes.’ The Stage

‘Blackberry Promises’ £6.99 and available from me or Amazon. £7.50 if you would like it posted to you.
Just one place left on the Wednesday morning ‘Get that Book out of You’ course – Creative Ink for Writers. Email me. Tuesdays and Thursdays are full this term.

I went back to the Women’s Insititute last week to teach ‘The Memory Box’. I love those women. Did you know one can’t commercially re-use jam jars any more? Where will it all end?

On Foot in the US of A …

01/10/2012 // by Jan Moran Neil

Blog 51 – On Foot in the US of A …Ms Paige Turner tells an intentional fib on each blog – guess it and you will get two free tickets to Jan Moran Neil’s Book Launch of ‘Blackberry Promises’.

I crossed sixteen States with verrucas and cracked heels. It’s okay Miss Tea Tree Oil has my feet in hand and it’s not catching.
Mr Justin Case and I arrived in New York on the 9/11 anniversary. When we arrived at the Ground Zero subway we just followed the footfalls of three firemen who were making their way to the annual ceremony and I wondered silently at their untold stories. Some passers-by held tears in their eyes and some held sunflowers in their hands. There was an uncanny stillness and I scraped and bruised my right foot on one of the iron railings. Firemen and feet were to become running themes in our three week visit.
I left my oldest and favourite black sandals somewhere in Washington; on an Amtrak train or under a queen sized bed. Maybe they had walked enough miles but I grieved for them. They had taken me on so many miles and were deprived of an awfully big adventure across this politically powerful country.
Someone once told me to turn left for Chicago and go with someone you love. It was probably on my first visit to New York in the seventies and if we were leaving to head back to Montreal then ‘making a left’ was probably the right geography. I spent my life thinking that Chicago was the ‘Moscow’ of my life: some place I had to get to. But the person I love said he’s never ‘got’ Chicago and invariably it’s the next stop in life which proves to be ‘the one’. And so it was.
Denver is a mile high. A free day and I was able to put my feet up and wash my knickers there. Frankie Valli and his Four Seasons happened to be performing in Denver for ‘one night’ only. What luck – or does luck really exist and are we destined to make certain calls in life? Anyhow, Mr Justin Case had booked.
Lucky for me that I was wearing shorts on the next leg of our journey as bag pulls take place at dawn. Having washed my knickers in Denver I packed them all the night before and spent the leg to Grand Junction knickerless. It was in the Rocky Mountains that firemen came into play. We were ‘lucky’ enough to have two on our tour and to have an ex-fireman for a coach driver. Half way up the Rockies I confessed to our driver that I have a fear of heights and am rather unsteady on my feet in high places. He looked at me and very slowly (he was from Phoenix, Arizona) said, “Yeah … and …from …here …on …in …there…are …no …guard …rails.”
But we had three firemen and four nurses on the coach so I consoled myself with this thought as everyone saw the Rockies and I saw my feet.
The Grand Canyon was pretty much a similar experience.
By the time we got to LA my verrucas and cracked heels were healing and I was understanding why the Pacific coast was still the Gold Rush destination.  The tour guide said that John Wayne was six feet five and that no-one had smaller feet than he had. If anyone could place their feet in his ‘walk of fame’ shoes on Hollywood Boulevard then she would give them 50 points. It’s my claim to fame.
I love to make tracks and see them but nothing beats the ‘happy accident’ of meeting the natives: the young Washington couple who picked up our dinner bill, the Frisco tram drivers who found Mr Justin Case’s wallet and said all they wanted in return was my telephone number (ha ha), the man who offered us cookies on Amtrak and whose idea for a play is as grand as America: souls with untold stories. What a wonderful world.

Tuesday and Thursday Creative Ink for Writers’ classes now full with waiting lists.

Three places left on Wednesdays.
Well done to Elizabeth Davey – Creative Inker and Dear John finalist – who came second in the Rhyme & Reason ‘Seasons’ competition.

Dear John, Dear Anyone … Premiere tickets now sold out. DVDs – £5

Book Launch – Blackberry Promises by Jan Moran Neil – Thursday 15th November – The Fitzwilliams Centre, Beaconsfield. Noon. Free Entry.

Last bi-month’s intentional fib – TS Eliot wrote ‘Life – what a cauchemar’ – not Jean Paul Sartre. No-one ‘got’ it.

Glitches and Stitches …

08/09/2012 // by Jan Moran Neil

Blog 50 – Glitches and Stitches

Very sorry. There has been a glitch in the system and so a delay in getting this blog to you. It has now been stitched up and I’m re-issuing last bi-month’s blog – because it was a particularly good one – in my opinion – and was only up for a few days.
All will be back in synch at the beginning of October. In the meantime, there is one place left on Tuesdays – Creative Ink for Writers – Get Inspired – and three places left on the Wednesdays – Get that Book – starting mid-October at the Fitzwilliams Centre, Beaconsfield.
The Film Premiere of ‘Dear John, Dear Anyone …’ is now full but DVDs at £5 will be on sale after November 17th. Add 50p for P&P.
Next month I will be posting the first couple of chapters of my novel – Blackberry Promises – which is launched on Thursday 15th November at midday, the Fitzwilliams Centre, Beaconsfield. Free admission and refreshments.
All exciting stuff.

49 Shades of Popcorn

08/09/2012 // by Jan Moran Neil

Blog 49 – 49 Shades of Popcorn …on each blog Ms Paige Turner tells an intentional porkie pie. Spot this one and you will receive an emailed copy of her collection – Serving Bluebird Pie.

What I want to know is … when Christian Grey is busy bonking and other things in the bedroom where does he get the time to expand his empire? Or maybe his empire has already been expanded (oh, whoops, oh sorry, I didn’t mean that) and maybe I shouldn’t be opening my mouth (oh my, sorry – there I go – rolling my eyes and growling). What will become of me?
Soft porn is awfully like popcorn – the salty kind – oh dear – I’m off again – but bear with me on this simile: popcorn’s light, fairly innocuous and intended to aid distraction, to be devoured mindlessly – and listen – when you’re waiting for medical test results, reading it can be worth its weight or even – wait – oh my, I’m off again.
Jean Paul Sartre said, ‘Life – what a cauchemar’. (Life – what a nightmare.) It’s the kind of thing he might have said but life is certainly full of tension, whether it be wishing that someone will pass the finishing line first or waiting on medical tests or simply living in a relationship – trying to balance the old Dominant/Submissive. Maybe that’s where Christian Grey’s author scored. Maybe women are fed up with having to eat what they kill and would like some popcorn bought for them. I don’t know; maybe EL James is redressing (sorry!) some kind of balance.
I have it on the excellent grapevine of Miss Tea Tree Oil (soon to be a Mrs) that EL James is very local. I think the 50 Shades missed a marketing tool (oh my) there. What if she had remained anonymous? Every woman of voting age could have laid – (oh!) – claim to writing it. Miss Trial did wonder – my father’s name was James, Miss Trial is married to one, my nephew – about to give birth to twin boys any minute – is called James and my niece Miss Connect is married to another one. My middle name is Eugenie and we can pluck an ‘L’ from anywhere. But then EL James is not anonymous. Apparently EPublishing readers like to get to know their authors and that brings me beautifully to the success of EPublishing and my own vanilla collection – Serving Bluebird Pie – which is on Amazon Kindle right now – so buy.
The above has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that I’ve bagged a free Caribbean cruise after the end of the Creative Ink term for Mr Justin Case and me (forget the ball bearings – Mr Justin Case is delighted with me) in exchange for half a dozen Creative Ink for Writers’ ‘Get that Book out of You’ lectures. We shall be returning to our honeymoon isle of Antigua and visiting the island my father James said was Paradise on Earth: St Lucia.
Wasn’t Mo Farah brilliant? There was no way to tie (oh my, sorry) this fact into the rest of my saucy narrative. Well – there we are, blog 48 like track runs was whipped off in minutes (oh my, I didn’t mean it like that …) 

3 Places left on the Wednesday Creative Ink for Writers autumn term and I’ve already opened up assessments this month.

Caroline Francis – well done for spotting that erring ‘e’ on Maupassant (e) last blog. Something serious this way comes from my Pie collection.

48 Shades of Popcorn …

13/08/2012 // by Jan Moran Neil

Blog 48 – 48 Shades of Popcorn …on each blog Ms Paige Turner tells an intentional porkie pie. Spot this one and you will receive an emailed copy of her collection – Serving Bluebird Pie.

What I want to know is … when Christian Grey is busy bonking and other things in the bedroom where does he get the time to expand his empire? Or maybe his empire has already been expanded (oh, whoops, oh sorry, I didn’t mean that) and maybe I shouldn’t be opening my mouth (oh my, sorry – there I go – rolling my eyes and growling). What will become of me?
Soft porn is awfully like popcorn – the salty kind – oh dear – I’m off again – but bear with me on this simile: popcorn’s light, fairly innocuous and intended to aid distraction, to be devoured mindlessly – and listen – when you’re waiting for medical test results, reading it can be worth its weight or even – wait – oh my, I’m off again.
Jean Paul Satre said, ‘Life – what a cauchemar’. (Life – what a nightmare.) It’s the kind of thing he might have said but life is certainly full of tension, whether it be wishing that someone will pass the finishing line first or waiting on medical tests or simply living in a relationship – trying to balance the old Dominant/Submissive. Maybe that’s where Christian Grey’s author scored. Maybe women are fed up with having to eat what they kill and would like some popcorn bought for them. I don’t know; maybe EL James is redressing (sorry!) some kind of balance.
I have it on the excellent grapevine of Miss Tea Tree Oil (soon to be a Mrs) that EL James is very local. I think the 50 Shades missed a marketing tool (oh my) there. What if she had remained anonymous? Every woman of voting age could have laid – (oh!) – claim to writing it. Miss Trial did wonder – my father’s name was James, Miss Trial is married to one, my nephew – about to give birth to twin boys any minute – is called James and my niece Miss Connect is married to another one. My middle name is Eugenie and we can pluck an ‘L’ from anywhere. But then EL James is not anonymous. Apparently EPublishing readers like to get to know their authors and that brings me beautifully to the success of EPublishing and my own vanilla collection – Serving Bluebird Pie – which is on Amazon Kindle right now – so buy.
The above has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that I’ve bagged a free Caribbean cruise after the end of the Creative Ink term for Mr Justin Case and me (forget the ball bearings – Mr Justin Case is delighted with me) in exchange for half a dozen Creative Ink for Writers’ ‘Get that Book out of You’ lectures. We shall be returning to our honeymoon isle of Antigua and visiting the island my father James said was Paradise on Earth: St Lucia.
Wasn’t Mo Farah brilliant? There was no way to tie (oh my, sorry) this fact into the rest of my saucy narrative. Well – there we are, blog 48 like track runs was whipped off in minutes (oh my, I didn’t mean it like that …) 

5 Places left on the Wednesday Creative Ink for Writers autumn term and I’ve already opened up assessments this month.

Caroline Francis – well done for spotting that erring ‘e’ on Maupassant (e) last blog. Something serious this way comes from my Pie collection.

In Serious Humour …

29/07/2012 // by Jan Moran Neil

Blog 47 – In Serious Humour – Spot the intentional porkie pie and Ms Paige Turner will send you a serious short story from her soon to be E-Published collection – Serving Bluebird Pie.

I am in serious humour – forgive the oxymoron – but for various undisclosed reasons, I just am this bi-month.
I’m not unhappy; I just need a break from ‘the jest’ and I’d like to pay tribute to some writers for various and disclosed reasons. The first is to an absolute gentleman I had the pleasure of meeting last week. He was a ‘Write Beginner’ at The Gerrard’s Cross Summer School. This was my third visit as a Creative Writing Tutor to the Summer School and I shall never forget this particular writer. He was first to arrive, sprightly enough, up the double set of stairs. At each break time, he was first back and in place at the appointed time. ‘Time’ was, it seemed, of essence for him and ‘punctuality’ also. For those of you who know me a little, you’ll know that time and punctuality means a great deal to me. Time’s the one and best thing you can give people or yourself and it’s not for wasting. I guess this writer felt the same way. I noticed he had purchased some books on the Second World War. He said he liked History. On further probing I discovered he had fought in the New Zealand Army during World War 2 and had no male relatives as his father and uncles died at Gallipoli. I ventured to ask his age. 98.
I was humbled. He won’t read this – he’s not on the internet. He uses a word processor though. He’s in the middle of his novel.
I’m humbled also to be tutoring my youngest writer ever: ten years old. She’s serious, Miss G, very serious about her writing, which you can imagine, has a freshness we would like to emulate. I hope she has many ‘wordy’ years ahead of her. I have a feeling she will be contributing more than a variety of shades in various colours to our reading lives in the future.
I also hope that Miss Z passes her GCSE English Lit well. I spent May days with this fourteen year old simultaneously holding our breaths as Maupassante spun his tale of ‘The Necklace’ binding us both in common suspense until Guy’s twist was revealed.
I’m probably a little serious as Miss Trial and Master Mind got married in Cambridge a couple of weeks ago and riding the gamut of emotions has made me a little dizzy. And it’s a sobering thought (maybe I need more of those these days) that I’m closer in age to 98 than to10.

There are still places on the Wednesday morning – Creative Ink for Writers – autumn term at the Fitzwilliams Centre, Beaconsfield – classes beginning October 17th.
‘Get that Book’ workshops in Beaconsfield on Tuesday 14th and Wednesday 15th August. Book on 0845 045 4040
Missenden Abbey talk – Patricia Sentinella and me reading from Pat’s collection – Dear John, Dear Anyone …on Thursday 16th August at 8.15pm.
Last month’s fib was ‘snot en trane’ so Mr Double Cream from Uxbridge won it.

Snot and Trana …

01/07/2012 // by Jan Moran Neil

Blog 45 – Snot and Trana – Ms Paige Turner tells a Porkie Pie on each blog. This bi-month you can get an emailed short story from Jan Moran Neil’s soon to be EPublished – Serving Bluebird Pie – bound to make you laugh …

Mister Justin Case introduced me to this phrase – it’s South African – Snot and Trana.
I don’t need to translate the former but the second means ‘tears’ and the South Africans being a paternalistic nation (please don’t sue me – I’m married to one of them) kind of refer to women going through this some little time before big events like weddings which is coming up in two weeks time, God – I told You. TWO WEEKS TIME – SO CAN YOU PLEASE SWITCH ON THE SUN??
In fact, Will Bulteel – former Creative Ink writing student has just written on his Facebook Status – What is better than the smell of warm rain on a wet pavement? Yes, you’ve guessed. I wrote ‘sun’.
Where is the sun? That is my ‘snot und trana’. And the only ‘snot and trana’ Miss Trial is going through is hay fever. We are over all that six week pre-snot and trana period, with fascinators in place and looking forward to a sunny wedding, dear God.
So, Sun, get your hat on and no snot and trana – just the calm before the storm – oh – there I go again …

Still places on the Wednesday morning Creative Ink for Writers course starting October 17th at the Fitzwilliams Centre, Beaconsfield and my collection of poems and stories – Serving Bluebird Pie – is about to be EPublished on Amazon/Kindle – more news coming soon.

No-one picked up that Timothy AJ Cox is Timothy JA Cox as is his website – last bi-month.